Turning point?
I don’t know if it was all the reminiscing on Friday, the talk with JY or if it was the beer, but something came over me and made me reach out to you. It’s been a year and obviously, I was still attached to the faint idea of us (or whatever it was) - I hadn’t let go.
Truthfully, I was bitter up until our chat tonight. Everything subsided when we started talking like we used to, so it’s no surprise why I can now recall why I felt the way I did. We got along and held a decent conversation for the first time in a year and a half, can you believe it?
But time has made me a little wiser. I’m not falling for you again because ultimately, the point of reaching out to you was to obtain closure. I always denied that I needed closure - I just wanted to leave and never revisit those memories and emotions again… they’re too much to handle. Unfortunately, I learned that shit doesn’t work this way - these things just creep up on you… they’re persistent, you know?
Listening to you talk about your life now makes me glad that you’re doing well. I don’t think I’ve seen you being this positive (or maybe it’s the alcohol talking) and I’m just happy that you’re good.
See, after everything, I don’t hate you. It’s not in my personality to be able to hate someone I cared so much for… but it doesn’t mean that I can forgive you for what you did and didn’t do. In all honesty, all I’m doing is looking past it all and reacquainting myself with you for my own good - I had to undo this knot in my chest.
I really do feel a lot better. Maybe after tomorrow, I’ll be able to say that I’m really over you so that I can jet off peacefully and just do my thing. And if I’m lucky, maybe I’ll be able to channel my energy and truly feel for someone again… just like I did for you.
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